My Ship

My Ship

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Chile

I’ve just reached the end of a cruise and am now starting my swing back and forth around the same ports in South America (Valparaiso – Buenos Aires and back) so now seemed like the best time to recap first impressions of these places and fill you in with what’s been happening this last couple of weeks!

I left you all at the point when I was about to start in Chile – to me that feels like an age ago now! But I’ll do my best. The first port was Iquique. The shuttle took us over to the main square which looked like a throw back to the old American West. A bit surreal but really pretty. Lots of colourful buildings and elaborate wooden walkways carved and built around the shops on the edge of the square – rather fancy I thought! We walked up and down the high street and mooched a bit before stopping for lunch and a drink. Not the best lunch ever may be an understatement. My food was pretty bleh for a start but most impressively, my friend found a shard of glass in her fries!! Not a little chip that may have accidentally slipped in, but a whole big chunk of it, how?!?!  Talk about health and safety. The waiter even left it on the bill at the end. Well I may not speak Spanish but I can communicate “not paying for that!” It got sorted, but not before he chased us down the road for short changing him 100 pesos (like a couple of quid!) the bloody cheek after nearly killing my friend! Regardless it was a pleasant afternoon. Apparently though, there is a great beach in Iquique; well I had no idea otherwise I probably would have done that! I was told there was an alligator pen there as well – I’ll be sure to check it out next time.
After that we stopped at Coquimbo. The day before had been a sea day and a virus was on the ship (few crew members were off with d and v, including my shoppy friendL) so she missed this port. It wasn’t a big outbreak and it’s all done and dusted now but there was a bit of panic as there was a cruise ship a day ahead of us on the same itinerary and they had BIG problems. So paranoia was aboard that we’d have a similar problem so the ship went into virox cleansing overdrive. Rather that than being stuck surrounded by sick people though – only so many can go into quarantine!
This day in Coquimbo was a Sunday though so everything was pretty quiet. We did find the Chilean Primark open and I got a couple of bits – gotta be done! We found a gorgeous restaurant for lunch – it was a balcony overlooking a market square and it had the only English speaking waiter in the region working there – he really is the only English speaking local – I found this out trying to communicate in the store and failing miserably. This wasn’t a particularly exciting port so let’s leave it there!
I said in my last blog that South America was cheap. Well, some of it is! Ecuador, Peru and Uruguay – yes nice and affordable. Argentina and Chile however, not so cheap.  English prices basically but it’s funny how although they are prices you would normally expect to pay, here suddenly the bill seems outrageous! These countries probably are cheap (well cheaper than London) but I guess being at touristy ports I’m going to get the mark ups (harrumph).  
As I said before, I’m the health and safety rep for my department, which apparently also means I’m our rep at crew welfare meetings. I actually don’t mind these ones, it’s a good chance to say what we want to have change on board, how crew budget should be spent, what events to put on etc. so it’s great for improving our time here. At the moment we’re discussing what to do for Christmas. I’ve put forward the idea of a variety show where the performers all do a bit as well as any crew with secret talents – crew shows are always a great laugh; they’re a nice chance for us to sit in the Grand Salon rather than the guests and kick back with a drink and entertainment.
Apparently they cook christmasy food in the mess on the day but I’m not convinced I’m going to get the Christmas dinner I’m thinking of with the Phillipinos in the kitchen! Yorkshire puddings are a MUST, even if that means me buying frozen ones and asking them to cook them – I’ll do what I have to! We’ll see what happens there, brace yourselves for the Christmas blog ha!
I go to the crew bar probably around 3 times a week. There’s no such thing as going for one. Once you’re there, you’re there! I only go when I know I can handle being out till at least 1am but if I have an early start the next day (usually a sea day) then I stay away because to me sleep is precious! As a shoppy, we’re on a pretty different schedule to other departments. So when we get out of work and to the bar, it’s quite dead in there. By about 12 though the place is rammed. Most of the waiters and bar staff are off by then and they flock to the bar like a moth to a flame. It’s only a small bar so the place is crammed to the max, music is blaring, smoke everywhere, proper dingy dive really but I like it! I find it amusing to think whilst we’re drinking and partying away all the old guests are fast asleep in their beds none the wiser to what’s going on below them, he he.
The clientele on board are for the most part in the later years of their life. I’m talking upper middle aged rather than coffin dodgers. Although I can’t say that for all of them….. There’s something about being on a cruise that switches people’s brains off, the guests ask the most ridiculous questions that only requires some common sense and makes me wonder how on earth they got rich?! I’d say who cares as long as they spend the money but so many of them are unbelievably tight. 9/10 ask for a discount and dislike the discounts you can offer. So many of them love to say “I’ll be back if I win the lottery”, you’re on Seabourn…I know you have money, don’t act like you don’t!!  But with all the annoying passengers there can be, I’ve met some great ones too. Whether that’s because they’re looser with the purse strings or that they’re good for a chat, some guests are great to get to know.
Well, to get back to the ports, my next stop in Chile was Valparaiso, near Santiago, the capital. I think we walked in totally the wrong direction because we didn’t find too much and most other people seemed to, doh. We stopped in a café for a drink and every beverage I ordered (Baileys, Pina Colada) they’d run out of, typical! So the waiter offered to make me my own one and it was delicious. I have no idea what was in it but a customised drink is always fun.  Our next port was Puerto Montt but I didn’t get off the ship that day. I decided to catch up on bits at home instead and have a chill out day which is good to have now and again. Seeming as I’m coming back and forth so much it’s no big deal, I’ll catch it this time around.
That’s the only thing with ports; you feel obliged to get off because of course, you should! But you walk around so much and then are at work you forget to just have a day off sometimes and relax. However the next day I did get off and it was gorgeous. Puerto Chacabuco. Not much going on there at all but it’s been one of my favourite stops. To disembark the ship here you have to get on a tender (a mini boat) rather than step off in a port. Ships do this when they cannot get into an actual port and just stop nearby one instead. The town is just a small residential area and seemed deserted! All curtains are drawn, all homes are made of corrugated iron. Sort of eerie at first. But the town is in the middle of the fjords and the air is so fresh and it was amazing just wandering around. Most crew didn’t like it here as there’s nowhere to go. But us shoppies found somewhere! We chanced a small hut looking place which turned out to be a bar with a live fire and it was so cosy. I was served the largest amaretto ever and the barman even put on English music for us, so we sat and got piddled before heading back for work, bliss!
This is the point in the itinerary when we were cruising the Chilean fjords which I am doing again now. They’re beautiful. It’s so quiet but breath taking, I’ve got some great snapshots. In amongst the fjords we pass by some glaciers as well which we normally do when I’m stuck in work so I’m hoping to get some better pictures on another cruise through.
The next big passing we did was Cape Horn. I’ve passed it twice now and never seen it properly! We either pass it at 7.30am (I’m in bed) or 8.30pm (I’m at work) I want to see the lighthouse that a man, his wife and son live in for a year to monitor the goings on around there. I know it’s just a lighthouse but it’s a famous one and that makes it intriguing!
 By this point, I’m right at the bottom of the globe, pretty much as southern as you can be without going to Antarctica. The next port was Ushuaia in Argentina, the southern most city in the world. But it’s not Chile so although that was almost two weeks ago now I’ll save it for another blog! After Chile comes Argentina, the Falklands, Uruguay then back to Argentina before starting the journey back up again towards Chile. I’m now on my third cruise and things are going well.
Work can be very quiet but sales wise I’m doing well. This cruise has been quiet so far but the first two were successful. At the end of every cruise each guest is asked to fill out a comment card and give their opinion on each department. Our company takes a big interest in how the shops are rated on board and last cruise I got a personal mention by a guest for being sweet and knowledgeable! (Big head moment)
Well I hope you enjoyed this blog and next one I’ll let you know about the other countries and any other antics from on board! Chile isn’t a particularly exciting country, and it’s very chilly in Chile (excuse the pun)
 I’m getting a new cabin roomie in a few days as well as a new manager so big changes are coming – let’s see!
Kaska
X

Friday, 4 November 2011

Ecuador and Peru: my first ports

I’m going to divide each blog by different countries – that gives me a chance to get around and provide a real sense of each country for you guysJ For this first one however, I will put the majority of the first cruise in one as we only stopped once in Ecuador and the rest has been Peru.  
My first adventure was passing through the Panama Canal. I have a certificate now saying that I’ve travelled through it which is pretty cool! It’s like sailing through a jungle – rainforest all around. Apparently there were alligators in the water but sadly I didn’t see them. I’m sorry to say Eddie but there are no longer any mules! Everything is powered by trains now. As we cruised along we passed under the Pan – American bridge. The road over this bridge runs directly from the very north of South America to the very south – that’s one long road!
Our first port stop was seven days after getting on board, bleh! But it was great. It was Manta, Ecuador. We spent the afternoon on the beach (I sufficiently burnt myself) and then grabbed some lunch and a drink. I paid 4 US dollars for a whole meal, insanely cheap! Tasty food too.
It is probably no surprise but it’s very cheap in South America. In Peru, 1 nuevo sol (their currency) is equivalent to 22p. I’ve been eating out this last few days having a meal and cocktails spending around 65 sols each time on average; that’s £15!! Amazing.
Along the sea front in Manta is shack after shack, each one a bar that stocks the EXACT same thing….beer. Bloody beer everywhere! Needless to say….I had a coke.
After Manta, We stopped at Salaverry in Peru. Most of the ports in South America are desolate, poor areas. They apparently only see 1 or 2 cruise ships a year.  The ship has been running shuttle services into town so we can get to places. To get into town at this port stop, we had to pass through a shanty community. Peru is a very poor country, people live in what look like demolition grounds and kids hang around dusty, sandy areas with nowhere to really go. It was an eye opener for me so I hope the rich indulgent guests on board were paying attention!! I did learn from a local guide however that the people in these shanty areas own their own properties and deliberately don’t finish building their homes to avoid paying taxes, so not quite the same as the notorious shanty towns of Brazil perhaps.
Not all of Peru is like this, in the towns it is lovely, but just outside it’s pretty bad. There wasn’t much to see in Salaverry so we just stopped for a nice lunch, had a wander then came back to work.
I also experienced my first overnight stay which was in Callao, near the capital city of Peru which is Lima; meaning lots of time off work, yay! (Gotta love those custom regulations) I spent some time in Mira Flores, a gorgeous coastal town with lots of parks, statues, shops, restaurants and of course a view of the ocean.  It’s very picturesque and although the weather is a little chillier here, it’s still better temps than London!  It seems this part of Peru is great for surfing as there are always loads of cars pulled up on the beach and people running out with wet gear and board in hand. It’s also a part of Peru renown for tsunamis, nice. There are sign posts marking the tsunami evacuation route if ever an emergency struck, nice and reassuring! (HMMM)
The cars in Peru are hilarious! They have no suspension so any time we pass over a speed bump; the car slows down to practically stopping position to get over it. The roads are pretty appalling as well; health and safety would have a field day here! Pot holes and cracks everywhere – it’s a bumpy ride driving in Peru. My bum has literally left the seat several times going over these bumps!
The next stop in Peru was Paracas which was amazing. I went to the Ballestos Islands, Peru’s version of the Galapagos, I was stunned by the number of animals on these few rocks!! I saw hundreds of sea lions, penguins, pelicans as well as thousands of other species of birds. It was incredible sailing around these rocks watching all the wildlife hang out. I don’t think there’s anything cuter than watching a baby sea lion trying to waddle up the side of a steep rock – aw! We coasted around for about an hour or so before bombing back over the ocean to the harbour. As you get near the beach area, a dozen or so fisherman are in their boats trying their luck and trying to fend off the birds. I was mindlessly watching them do this when suddenly everything went completely quiet and everyone was sshing. El capitano had turned off the engine and everyone was staring into the water…what’s going on?! And then I saw…
Totally unexpectedly a school of dolphins had appeared around the boats! The guide said this was quite rare and very unexpected and they were right by my boat! So many of them bobbing up on the surface, hoping for some free lunch from the Peruvian fisherman. It was a gorgeous afternoon. I also spotted some sea lions flopping around in the water, throwing themselves in the waves and playing – what a life eh.
Another impressive site to see on this trip was El Candelabra. Just  before the Ballestos Islands, there are some other rocky hillside areas and on the side of the hill in the sand a gigantic candelabra has been etched. I have a picture on facebook, check it out it’s quite impressive. The unusual thing is however, that the locals have no idea how it originally got there. They maintain it and repair the image if the wind ruins it at all, but its’ origins are a mystery. How bizarre.
My final stop in Peru was yesterday and it was Mantarini. The night before, whilst I was at work, the destinations officer came to see me and asked if I’d like to do a tour. On cruise ships, they run tours at each port for the guests and 1 member of staff needs to be on them to act as an escort on behalf of Seabourn which any crew member can sign up to do. Plus they get to do it for free, well worth it! I thought all the spots had been nabbed for this cruise so I was going to wait until the next one and book onto whatever I could. Apparently that wasn’t the case, and so I did my first tour, ooo!
My responsibilities are to count the guests and make sure everyone is still there; yes mum I can manage that! Make sure everyone is happy and comfortable and be a point of reference for the guests besides the local tour guide. I also have to fill out a report about the tour so Seabourn (as is the same on any cruise line) can see if there are any problems with the tours they book and if they are worth doing. The guides know you are doing this and so usually make an extra effort to be nice to you so you are complimentary about them!
So for my first tour I went to Mejia Lakes: National Sanctuary……bird watching. Now I know what you’re thinking…….bird watching?!?! Well yes at first it was super lame. They stopped at a tiny lake in a shanty area that had a couple of birds on it….neither me nor the guests were impressed. I though “oh god this cannot be the bird watching we do” and luckily it wasn’t! The tour got better and actually ended up being really enjoyable. I saw lots of flamingos and vultures…not your average birds! I also saw a giant jellyfish washed ashore which I took a close up snapshot of, also on face book!
I got on well with the guests, had a great few hours doing something productive in a port where there really wasn’t much else to do, so I think I’ll definitely be doing some more. Plus now I know the destinations manager so I stand a good chance of getting something good (fingers crossed)
Our guide for the tour was also full of the most random knowledge. My favourite bit of trivia she imparted was this: Did you know……
Back in the day when the Spaniards came over to South America they killed so many locals because of the diseases they brought with them such as syphilis? Yes, of course, most people know this tit bit. BUT…..the other cause of syphilis that wiped out many people were the dodgy folk in the Andes that had sex with their llamas who were carriers of syphilis! If you take anything away from learning about Peru from me, take that.  

In between the port days are the odd sea day where I’m on board working all day. Not necessarily a bad thing as it’s a good chance to do some networking (hehe) such as the other night when I was in the crew bar. On the menu, it says they serve Strongbow (yay! That made me very happy to have an option other than beer!) but they were out (not so happy). So there I was sitting with my crappy Smirnoff ice when I got chatting to a very friendly guy called Ian. Ian just so happens to be the bar manager AND he just so happens to be from Croydon, what are the chances?! As a result of that all important south east London bond, I now have a link to the stash of Strongbow and he has ordered some in for me, awesome!
Tomorrow is also a sea day. On this sea day I now have a role to play other than jewellery and watch specialist. What is it I hear you ask……… Well………………
The other morning in our team meeting I offered to take on the extra responsibility of safety officer for my department. Well, I actually said “I don’t mind doing it if no one else wants to” which is the same as offering!  So tomorrow I’m taking part in my first safety meeting with the officers from other departments. This basically means any health and safety issues that arise, that my team has, or that I feel are present I am to voice at this meeting and its basically a forum for discussion on what to do and how to improve the situation. Most of you are probably bored stiff by this paragraph but I know you Danielle are well into it ha!!
It gets me out the store for a bit and breaks up my day once a month so I don’t mind. Also good for the old CV.
Today I was in my first Chilean port but I’ll save that for the next blog, all about Chile! I’m pretty excited about sailing through the Chilean fjords, reckon that’ll be beautiful.
Thanks for reading my essay, I know I promised to shorten them, I will! Eventually………..
Kaska
X

Monday, 31 October 2011

My first week on board.

Hi guys,
So, I’m ten days into cruise life. I’ll do my best with this blog to fill you in with what’s going on and when and how everything is but that can be quite challenging as the most notable thing to mention about working cruise ships is that the days most definitely, blur together. I hardly ever know what day of the week it is! So many little things happen each day and as you are constantly doing something, the activities of each day blend and those little things to note become fuzzy.
I can’t believe it’s been ten days already, time goes pretty quickly as something’s always going on whether that be work, exploring ports, going to a party or even doing some washing! It’s nice to have set routines as I was becoming quite the lay a bout at home. However as a result of that, you really do lose all sense of time.
I just about know today is Monday and I even had to check the clock on the laptop to make sure that was right! Saying that, with the time difference this is being posted on Tuesday but for me it’s Monday night around 10pm. On cruises, your life is split into sea days and port days. A sea day means you are sailing all day and therefore working all day. Obviously then, a port day is one where you stop somewhere and can get off. Crew think of their time as split into these two categories. So it doesn’t matter whether it’s Monday, Saturday or whenever, only if it’s a port day or not hence the loosened grip on real world time!
Living on a cruise ship definitely is like living in a bubble. It is its own floating world passing by various places. I still find it bizarre to think I went to bed in Ecuador one day and woke up in Peru the next! Being at sea doesn’t give you a real sense of travel, more like drifting. You’re moving around the world without realising it too much whereas normally you set out to go somewhere and feel like you’ve travelled there and you have the novelty of the experience. With this, I find it extraordinary that I’m in South America as I have no real concept of getting here!
When I got on board, I was thrown into it right away. My first day was also a delivery day (typically pretty stressful for crew) and the start of a trunk show (a jewellery concession that is on board for a cruise) so there was a lot going on and one of the ship’s busiest days- great! I was taken on board, sent to fill out paperwork, sent to the crew office where I was then collected by my manager and shown to my room. I was then swiftly sent for drill training and then in the store working that evening. No such thing as a settling in period! To be honest though, I didn’t find it busy or stressful really and if that’s the worst it gets (and I keep being told it is and it’ll just get better) then I’m happy! My team consists of 4 people; me, my manager and two other shoppies. We all get on well which is nice and is also handy seeming as we’re such a small team!
When you get on board, you are given a card. This acts as my room key, my ID to get on and off the ship and my on board credit account to buy internet time and phone calls. I think I need to top mine up again already as I’m pretty sure I’ve spent a bit too much on the internet, oops! I’m learning time saving tips though such as writing this blog in word before logging on to post this for you lovely readers J
Before I flew out, I was led to believethat I would be the on board jewellery specialist and there would also be a watch specialist as well as the shoppies in the other store. Not the case! I am the jewellery AND watch specialist and I work completely on my own. It’s a little intimidating having it all rest on my shoulders but I’m part of a great team and although I am slightly separate, I get to do my own thing which is pretty cool. It’s a nice little store I work in, the lights are a bit dim for a jewellery boutique but the décor is classy. I work on deck 7 at the aft (back) of the ship. Not a great location for shops as guests don’t have much reason to go there other than the shops so it’s hard to get passers by checking out merchandise, grr.
My room is on deck 4. Not under water! I’m actually on the end of a guest corridor which is nice because come beddy byes, it’s nice and quiet to sleep J
 My room is actually ideally located. Right next door is the rest of my retail team, the gym is literally round the corner, the crew mess is just at the bottom of the stairs and work is only 3 floors up, almost directly above me so everything is within 5 minutes of my base – perfect! The room itself is not bad. Would be nice to have a tiny bit more room to move around but it’s more than manageable. It has a wide screen TV in it programmed with a ton of current movies, TV shows and music which I was impressed with; I have a great view from my top bunk – the main perk of being up here! The only annoying thing about bunk beds is I can’t sit up in bed and there’s nowhere to sit in the room so I have to do everything lying down! Like writing this blog whilst eating some tropical mix J
On board I get 35% off which is a pretty decent rate. Obviously I can’t use that in the jewellery store, known as The Collection by the way, but it’s handy in the boutique next door for toiletries, snacks and the Dior sunglasses I just treated myself too J Well we have already hit target so I’ve earned maximum commission – it’s a fair treat!
Before I left the main thing people kept asking me was “do you get sea sick?” I honestly didn’t know the answer! Well now I do folks. It took me about four days to adjust to being at sea. For the first few days I had continual non-stop headaches because of constantly rocking and it was really bothering me. However I wore my sea bands (thanks Ed!) and now I feel just fine J Well….maybe not right now. This evening is a rocky night and we’re swaying all over the place and because the effects of the sea are so prominent I don’t feel the best L but  I have become accustomed to the normal day to day motion.
So far I’ve been to two crew parties and a couple of gatherings. The first was a security guy’s birthday and he organised it on the mooring deck which was pretty cool! Crew parties have DJ decks and free booze as it isn’t checked off on inventory so we reap the rewards of that! However, it’s mainly always beer (I hate beer!!) A couple of nights ago was the crew Halloween party which was hilarious as it was fancy dress and the effort the Phillipinos go to for that is crazy!! Full on paper mache masks as well as a whole outfit! Loads of good dance tunes and people having a laugh – good times. My team didn’t really have an outfit as such, so we all donned a captain’s hat each and went nautical, how original! Great pictures though, I must get them off of Fran.
Last night was funny, after getting back from a night out of drinks in Peru (I’ll tell you about that in a separate blog) we were invited to a cabin party (drinks in someone’s room after crew areas close down) and it was hosted by a Ukrainian and two Bulgarians so they had a lot of spirits to offer. This is particularly important as Seabourn do not allow spirits to be served in the crew bar, only wine or beer. Now, why they think wine is better to give those instead of spirits is beyond me as I have the worst headaches with wine, but there you go: Seabourn logic. Apparently in Ukraine it’s common to home brew your own vodka and this guy had his Babushka’s vodka with him. He kept saying it would make us all feel energised the next day; it was 75%, yeah right!! However before the party could get somewhat messy (not before a round of limbo though I may add) an officer came along to close down the party – boo! And so the retail team ran off down the corridor to our rooms and the doctor on board hid in the loo so he wouldn’t be seen seeming as he is meant to be a position of responsibility!! HA, oh life on a ship eh.
Being a shoppy (that’s me!) is probably actually one of the best positions to have on board. Due to custom regulations when we are in port the shops have to be shut therefore we can’t work and get to go off and explore. Other jobs, ie spa and housekeeping have to keep working. Housekeeping apparently earn almost double what I do but they also work doubly hard and get less time off. I’d rather have the time off!
In the next blog I’ll tell you about the ports I’ve visited so far. I hope this gave you an overview of how things are with me and insight into working on cruises. My favourite thing I think, other than the travelling, is the mix of nationalities you meet. People from all places, all ages and all walks of life. Pretty interesting. For example, one of the security guys apparently used to be a personal bodyguard for the President of the Philippines!
I’m sure I’ve missed loads off but like I said, I can’t keep track of time and events very well (maybe I should keep a daily diary for this blog…)  but my general day to day life is looking around ports, going to work, chatting to people and having non stop achy feet! With all the little bits in between J
This was pretty long so you’ve been patient, they’ll get shorter I promise!
Thanks,
Kaska x

Saturday, 8 October 2011

Getting Ready To Leave

In two weeks time, I'll be gone from the UK and standing on a cruise in the USA working hard and sailing the sea...wow....scary and exciting times!

It's absolutely manic trying to get everything ready before going, so much paperwork to sort, insurance to organise, calls to make, bags to pack, training to complete, goodbyes to say. I'm doing pretty good though! I've gone into mission mode and got quite alot done - I have my jewellery training to complete next week and then on to my leaving do - oooh yeah good times!

Only now is it starting to feel real that I'm going away from everyone I know and any place I know and plonking myself in the middle of the ocean on my lonesome, hmm!! I couldn't be more excited to be starting this adventure but I'm also starting to get a little sad when talking to various friends and loved ones as I know this is no longer something I;m talking about but now something I'm actually doing!

I've been warned to expect hard work, long hours and a fair bit of pressure. The counter balance to that is to expect breath taking views, unbelievable experiences, meet lots of new and interesting people and go to places I wouldn't normally get to go.....I'll take that!

So at the top of this blog you can see a picture of the ship I've been assigned to, mental! I'm a bit scared that they seem to trust me on such a high-class boat! 5* luxury cruising for the wealthy....yup....pressure is definitely on! But saying that, I'm actually really looking forward to cruising in that way. Because it's a smaller boat than your average cruise ship, I get to port in places most others can't and see more tucked away, slightly lesser known places, that's got to be a winner!

Last week I had alot of training for this job. Getting to know the company, what to expect living at sea, how to survive in an emergency! That part was slightly scarier than the first, can't say I enjoyed stepping off a 3m high wobbly diving board into a pool whilst holding my nose and wearing a life jacket - almost made me re-think for a second what I'm doing?! But don't worry....clearly I survived and I'm now certified to be able to, phew!

I'm not sure when I'll next get to blog - got to find my sea legs first and learn how not to get lost on board. When I've mastered that, I'll let you know!

Thanks for following
              x